Shame, My primary kink. Random Thoughts Series 8 of 12.

Image credits: My babygirl, My design

Shame.

If I had to boil down my one primary sexual kink it would be soaking in my object’s sexual shame. Realistically no one can boil down to only one kink, people are way to complex to achieve that in a complete way. But!!! If I were to nail one thing down it would be watching my person aroused by their own shame. They- simultaneously aware of their arousal and overcome with self judgement. They- simultaneously calling themselves pathetic in the safety of their own mind and all the while feeling their cunt throb harder. They- viewing their arousal with disgust only to become more aroused by their own self loathing, compounding more and more. That depravity, her desire for the gross/macabre and discomfort with her own nature. That is a beautiful thing.

Shame is a essential part for me. I understand going through life thinking violent and disgusting sexual thoughts constantly. My abstract desires are relentless. As a Dominant though I drink it up, I soak in it, I put on a smile and accept it with a bold happiness. I understand I need the same in depraved thoughts from my person and the complete opposite in bold inner acceptance.

For example I could never connect on all levels with someone who would “sacrifice” their body to my inner sadist. There just isn’t enough shame to play with there. Sure I can expose how needy and broken they may be that they are willing to “sacrifice” their body and mind to me for my affection and attention. But that’s not shame. That’s degradation. Shame comes after a down the ladder journey. Shame comes from wishing it away one day to accepting it because you just can’t get it out of your head and you came to terms with the fact its part of you. It comes from a core shyness, the opposite of confident boldness. As a complex sadist I need a masochist who soaked in their shame. One that had moments in their lives where they wished they didn’t throb from physical pain, didn’t squirt with their tongue up their guys asshole so fast or wished they didn’t see piss play as affection. But they do on all accounts. Shame comes with being a submissive and being far along in your journey because that journey breaks and chips little bits of you when this is your nature.

The shame feeds so many parts of me. Her shame, that shame is interwoven with my own needs. I need to grind her into the floor yet do so because it is a mutual need. I need to feel magnanimous while expressing my cruelty. I need to see blood on her skin, bruises on her body and pain on her face. I need to see euphoria and gratitude in her eyes. I need to see her respond to my degradation by pulling closer to me. That feeds my sadist. I need her to feel safe, completely happy and content being herself and moving with me not for what she will get but because it feels right. I need her to know that hiding who she is isn’t necessary with me. Being the safe place for her deepest shame that feeds my Dominant. Letting her know that there is nothing wrong with her that she is just fine as she is. That even at her darkest, most depraved and regretful that she is beautiful in all ways that last bit feeds my Daddy.